Journey of Life

Many things had happen to me lately and I have been in my own thought about how I have operated my life.

I notice that I operate my life from automatic. It means I have been doing things in routine. Wake up early in the morning, drive to work with lots of cars on the road and caused traffic jam, and then complaint, reach office, do work, load of work and then complaint again.. nothing excite me. Reading news, complaint about the world, people don't change, government don't change. Funny is, I just don't do anything about it. Just be in automatic.

As I experience my life which is include my work, my relationship with family and friends, I notice that I have been surviving and comfortable with that. No wonder I feel tired and numbness. I'm feeling hopeless and disappointed as if I have lost and missing something that really matters to me. So, what's not working in my life such that I have this feelings? Sad. Sour. Bored. Pain. Don't care enough.

And so, I stop from doing anything at all and did some reflection about my life, asking a few questions and it has been a long weekend.

First question, what am I pretending not to know?

At first I didn't understand this question. "What does it means?" I ignore it for awhile however, the more I resist to look at it, the more its irritating me. It got my attention. I was struggled to find the right answer. So, what you resist, persist. Okay, I make a new choices, by asking additional questions to get clarity of what does it mean. I caught myself denying 'I'm not pretending. What do I know about the things that I don't know? This is ridiculous. How can we know the things that we don't know? We just don't know what we don't know! How can we pretend not to know? If we don't know means we don't know lah! Haiiyaaa, why make things complicated?'

Okay, let say if this question evolve about life, where can we begin? Can we begin since I was born? How was my childhood? How was I responding to my life when I was teenager? Who was I when I was growing up? How was my environment at home influence the way I am today?

These questions has invited me to go back to the past, digging the memories that I have folded, and the experience and result that I have created.

Along the journey, I have meeting up a lot of people and the event that happened in my life has giving me experiences of pain, sadness, emptiness, satisfaction, broken hearted and it has make me become shy, lazy, irresponsible, living in mediocrity, do things just for the sake of doing. If I experience love, care, honesty I caught my head said 'It's not going to last longer. This too good to be true'.

So, I have been putting layers by layers and cover myself with fixed belief. One good example that I have been always told myself is that I am not good enough to go further in my life. I have been noticing a lot of excuses for me not to do many things that I want. It hold me back from getting what I deserve in life. Later that I know it was me who has sabotage myself. How could I ever do that? How can I betrayed my life?

Damn! What other excuses that I have been telling myself about me?

I got to STOP now. Stop living in automatic. Life isn't just routine. It's about creation and thousands of possibilities. Continue reflecting on how I operate my life daily, take the lesson and extended my growth. Keep looking for what is working and what's not for me and make new choices - where can lead me to the life that I imagine and deserved to have, and brings joy to me along the journey. Collecting new friends and new experiences. Just do it.

I am today and from now on, collecting my blessing and being thankful for who I am and how I have lived my life. I have a healthy body and soul, loving family and friends, life partner that I can trust, career and steady income. Now that I know, my journey of life isn't just plain simple and dull. The power is lies in me to create and living it.

Today, I choose to live my life, Living in Abundance & Prosperity. Look forward for today, new day and everyday. Oh, well.. Cheers, peeps! Let's celebrate life!

GE13: Why Vote?

Yesterday I had a dinner with this guy after work. He is about 38 years old Malaysian man. We met in one of the event and we exchange phone number. Last night was the first time we went out to hang out and chill. So, I warm up the conversation begin with how's life? how's work? Very common answer.

And then, we went on chat about the current news; the General Election 2013 and I asked him, "Where you're going to cast your vote?" with excitement and enthusiams. He replied, "I'm not a registered voter," My jaw drop and respond, "How come?"

Him : I'm just not into politics. Not my cup of tea..
Me : Why not?
Him : Makes no difference. With one vote.. Nothing is going to change.
Me : So, you are okay with everything that happen in Malaysia? Or you just don't care?
Him : Yeah.. everything is fine. Whatever happen right now, we adjust. As long as I manage my financial, my freedom, I'm good. Whatever..
Me : Owh! If you are not happy with the current government, how did you voiced out your voice?
Him : Facebook, Malaysiakini, just post my comment.
Me : (Laughing out loud) You know it doesn't work that way?! Seriously, if you don't vote, then.. Pakistani, Philippians, Bangladeshi shall vote on your behalf.. since when they have this right?
Him : Yeah.. you have a point. But, I don't care.

I just stop the conversation about him being a non-registered voter and yes, he is not the only one. There is many among us just don't care. Simply don't care. Even if we are a registered voter, some of us just don't care to vote. We don't care what or who govern our country, manage our tax money.

Well, my reason to vote is to get my voice heard, exercise my right to choose who I sincerely feels should we elect to govern our country, to create our stand and develop our nation. 1001 reasons why we should vote!

However, I do acknowledge that not voting as well is a choice, but still... why don't you just vote. Yes, indeed. Another 1001 reasons why you decide NOT to vote. Whatever it is, you always right. Oh, well ~ No wonder 'lah what happen in our country right NOW happened the way it is. We all responsible for that, because we just don't care enough ...

I care.

Hiking at Broga Hill, Semenyih

I've seen my friends went to Broga Hill when they posted on Facebook. The pictures taken was amazing and beautiful. And I shall take the opportunity when it arrives.

One sweet day, a bunch of friends organised an event to go hiking to Broga Hill and I accepted the invitation and drag my boyfriend to come along. This excite me! Finally, Broga Hill.

We started the journey at 4.30am in the morning from Bangsar, meeting point with a small group of us and we shall meet the rest of the team at Pekan Semenyih Petronas gas station by 5.30am. Because we all wanted to reach at the peak by 6.30am, before sunrise.

All pump up and ready to go. It's about 20ish people. The sky is still dark and there is many of people wanted to hike as well.

The journey for the first 10 minutes was okay, the trail was quite flat, however.. the next 10 minutes, I started to panting. The trail started to get challenging.  I could hear my head was screaming "what are you get yourself into?" I hardly do exercise and go hiking, the last I went for hiking is in early 2011 at Kepong FRIM. I went to Putrajaya Marathon in end 2011. so, basically, nothing on physical challenge I did in 2012. And in 2013, it is just a beginning. Really. This must change. I got to do something challenging again. I got to start doing physical exercise to stay healthy.

It was a struggle for me to be on top. A couple of time I have to stop a few minutes to catch my breath. And I cursing my big ass for added burden to my journey up to the peak. In another note, I realized that I responsible for it! Sigh...... :D oh, well.. let's go up! Keep going.

My boyfriend is still holding on. He is strong, carry our stuff and food for breakfast. It's amazing. Although I know, he don't like to do this kind of stuff. He rather sleep in the morning under nice blanket. I'm grateful he always there for me. If we can conquer Broga, we also can conquer Mount Kinabalu and that's it, at the moment. :D

It's a mental challenge to. My head was asking, "Are we there yet? how far some more?" But, the people around me without saying anything was inspired me the most, no age limit, or size, school kids, scout boys, obese people also keep going. For sure, this is nothing. We have our dearly buddy, Job Ng to accompany us, and his weight is about 100kg, I believe. Need to check with him. He inspired me. If he can do it! I also can!

JOB NG! You go, Buddy!!

I experience, if you have motivational problem, go hiking where people just show up and giving 100% of their life to be on top. I keep motivate myself and my boyfriend, "just a little bit more. We can hear people cheering, it's right there," And when we're at another midpoint, I heard my boyfriend said, "There is no way I'm going to get to that top," I look up and the trail is really stiff.

Enjoying the bed of grass..~ Don't fall asleep! We're haven't reach to the top yet!

I know but, I refuse to give up and be okay in the middle of the Broga Hill. Even the middle is beautiful. So, imagine when we're on top?

" A journey of a thousand miles begin with one step. "

We're continue hiking and I feel the difference of my being, I become more use to the voices of my head saying, "we can do this! We're almost there,". The feeling of wanted to be on top is so big and solid and I know I'm going to reach to the top and I'm not letting my team behind.

It was good experience hiking up! Although, we're didn't make it on time to watch sunrise..:D The air was so clean and fresh! I love the air breeze on top and it was blissful. The place was serene and beautiful.

We spent amazing moment with the rest of our team having breakfast! Lovely and healthy too. We share our being, laughter and food.

Foooooood! Breakfast! yummy! 

Beautiful and serene ~ only at middle of Broga. 

Mario and Ramlah also make it to the top! Fantastic!

The couple I always envy for being fit! Muahahahahaha!! Thanks for organised this event and inviting us..:D

YOU SHOULD BE HERE!!

The Legacies!!

It's a beautiful place indeed. However, there is still ignorant people who don't really appreciate the beauty of nature by leave their rubbish; unwanted mineral water bottle, drink can and many more. So, we decided to collect the rubbish along the way down. At first, I was hesitating but it just need to take one person to make a stand for cleaner and better environment. If it's not me, than who? 

So, it's about 5-6 people of us did that and thank goodness for the extra big plastic bag that we keep in our bag and starts to collecting. It was for a good cause and we already make a difference to other people. I was surprised to receives a compliment from a foreigner or mat salleh, "Good Job guys, well done!" Never expected that. I feel that if every group that hike the hill take ownership and responsible of their rubbish, sure Broga Hill is the much nicer and cleaner.

What I learn in this challenge is the team work to accomplish our team vision. To hike the Broga Hill and to be on top. I heard, a few friend could not make it to the top because of health issues but, I pray they'll come back and conquer the Hill. To be on top took perseverance, determination and will power. Mental and physical fit will help a lot but, it will not going to stop us from keep going in our dream and vision! This learning is useful for our everyday life. As a human being, we are responsible to take care the nature and the environment. This journey has strengthen the friendship we're continue bonding with among us with a mix of age, race and religion.  

I'm sure will be back to Broga Hill and look forward for another hill to hike! Or perhaps, mount Kinabalu! 

Lot's of Love,

Sufi.  

     

Atas Nama Melayu

Aku dibesarkan sebagai seorang Melayu. Dari kecil lagi, aku diajar supaya menghormati orang tua, tunduk apabila melintas di depan orang tua. Aku diajar menjaga percakapan, tata tertib, saling menghormati, bekerjasama, membantu orang tua, tak bercakap semasa makan. Dalam fikiran aku, semua pun diajar perkara yang sama.

Sejak di sekolah rendah lagi aku senang berkawan dengan mereka yang berbangsa Cina, India dan lain-lain. Aku senang bergaul dengan kawan-kawan dari berbilang bangsa.

Aku ingat lagi, pada waktu itu aku berumur 7 tahun, aku sekeluarga pulang ke kampung di Tapah. Ada sebuah keluarga berbangsa Punjabi tinggal di sebelah rumah nenek aku. Mereka ada seorang anak perempuan, aku kira dia sebaya dengan aku tapi, aku tak ingat lagi nama dia. Aku masih ingat lagi senyuman dia dan jemputannya ke rumah dia untuk bermain. Aku senang. Pulang dari bermain, nenek tegur jangan ke rumahnya lagi. Aku diam tapi, dalam hati aku tertanya, "Kenapa?"

Aku selanjutnya meneruskan pengajian di Tingkatan Enam di Victoria Institution (VI) pada tahun 1998. Keputusan SPM aku cemerlang walaupun bukannya berderet A tapi, aku bangga dengan pencapaian aku dalam gred 1, 16 agreget. Dan, aku betul-betul berusaha untuk SPM. Pada waktu itu, ramai juga kawan-kawan sebaya terutama yang berbangsa Melayu melanjutkan pengajian di UiTM dalam matriks. Senang je. Isi borang UPU. Aku tahu kalau aku isi Borang UPU, aku boleh mendapat tempat. Tapi, entah kenapa, hati aku tak terasa langsung nak ke UiTM.

Seorang sahabat yang berbangsa Cina bertanya, "Result SPM you okay, kenapa tak apply UiTM?"
Aku jawab, "Entah. Tak rasa nak pergi," Suaranya berbaur pelik, "You orang melayu, sangat senang lah masuk UiTM, tak payah susah-susah ambil STPM," Sejak saat itu, hati aku berazam sesuatu. 'Apa, ko ingat sebab aku Melayu, aku senang nak masuk U ke? I want to earn it lah. Baru puas hati,'

Ya. I earned it. STPM, 5 prinsipal. Sekali lagi, keputusan aku bukan sederet A tapi, aku puas hati sebab aku betul-betul berusaha. Pada waktu itu, dunia aku cuma sekolah dan aku gembira belajar di VI. Suasananya senang menyeronokkan dan penuh dengan semangat dan ceria sekali. Aku masih lagi berhubungan dengan Kristi Choong, Elaine, Adhirai, Selvi, Nicole Chan, Ju, Sham, Zahrien, Vivian, Manu. Aku sangat aktif, terlibat dengan kegiatan koir, persatuan fotografi, aku dilantik menjadi Bendahari Rumah Shaw. Aku seronok belajar dengan mereka, bertukar-tukar ilmu dengan kawan-kawan.

Dalam tahun 2000, aku diterima masuk di Fakulti Undang-undang, Universiti Malaya. Orang kata, susah nak masuk. Orang pandai-pandai je boleh masuk. Aku terdengar ura-ura sebenarnya, UM ada kuota untuk kemasukan kemasukan orang Melayu.

Tiba-tiba, aku jadi kecut. Aku jadi takut. Aku marah dengan diri aku, sebab pandai-pandai je, ikut sedap isi borang UPU - minta kursus Undang-undang. Nak jadi lawyer ke? Aku ni boleh jadi lawyer ke? Lawyer tu pandai lah, aku bukannya pandai. Boleh bawak ke subjek Malaysian Legal System, Undang-undang Keluarga Islam, Undang-undang Perlembagaan..Ish susahlah subjek ni.. Aku biarkan otak aku jadi negatif, katakan yang aku tak mampu. Aku letakkan kepercayaan dalam fikiran aku yang aku tak mampu nak bersaing dengan kawan-kawan dari bangsa lain, kawan-kawan dari Sabah, Sarawak, Penang. Lama-kelamaan, aku ada penyakit, low self esteem, kurang keyakinan diri.

Sedangkan, malam sebelum aku isi borang UPU, aku tanya dengan diri aku sendiri, boleh tak aku jadi selain daripada cikgu atau bekerja dengan kerajaan? Boleh tak kalau aku jadi peguam ataupun pensyarah? Hurm.. Aku tak rugi apa-apa, kalau dapat, baguslah, kalau tak dapat pun tak pe..

Bila aku ingat balik aku perjalanan hidup aku semasa di Universiti, aku pun tak sangka aku boleh berjaya menghabiskan pengajian aku walaupun, aku ambil masa lebih dari empat tahun. Ramai jugak kawan-kawan bumiputera/melayu yang pilih untuk menukar kursus lain dengan alasan tak minat. Aku pun patut pilih kursus lain kalau aku memang betul-betul tak minat bidang undang-undang. Buat apa aku nak bazirkan masa belajar kalau aku tak nak jadi peguam, kan? Tapi, aku teruskan jugak.

Sepanjang perjalanan hidup aku di UM, aku dengar banyak perbualan pasal budak Melayu ni malas lah berbanding dengan kaum lain. Belajar sambil lewa, tak bersungguh-sungguh. Ada ramai lah budak Melayu yang pergi buat MLM (multi-level marketing). Join politik kampus lah. Yang kena cultural shock, pergi clubbing. Yang dari pakai tudung, dah tak pakai tudung. Hah! Tu semua aku la tu kecuali join politik kampus. Eew, bosan. Owh, kalau pasal bercinta nombor satu. Masa time tu, orang giler chatting. IRC. Hehehe.. Aku jumpa cinta pertama (kunun) melalui IRC lah.. Dah kahwin dah pun orangnya, graduan dari Sydney dalam accounting and finance. Dia buat aku teringin sangat nak hidup di luar negara. Aku jadi bangga sebab ramai juga orang melayu kita yang belajar di luar negeri dan berjaya. Kalau dia boleh buat, kenapa aku tak boleh buat kan? Insyaallah, satu hari nanti..

Sekarang ni, dah hampir sedekad aku tinggalkan alam pengajian, dan mulai bekerja. Alhamdulillah, aku berjaya jadi peguam. Bercadang-cadang pulak nak buka firma guaman sendiri. Tapi, cakap-cakap pasal membeza-bezakan dengan bangsa lain masih ada. Melayu ni pemalas, ali baba. Cina ni kedekut, mata duitan. India ni pembelit, putar alam. Jadi bumiputera senang, dapat kuota besar. Kerajaan jaga.

Pendapat-pendapat yang berbaur negatif terhadap bangsa lain, hanya akan melemahkan semua orang, melemahkan negara kita, khususnya. Aku tak rasa kita patut rasa terancam antara satu sama lain. Kalau ada pihak-pihak yang tertentu beriya-iya sungguh berkempen demi menaikkan martabat bangsa sendiri dengan menjatuhkan dan memburukkan bangsa orang lain, itu sangat membosankan. Itu namanya rasis. Racism is so yesterday.

Living & Eating Healthy!

(*Warning: I am NOT a nutritionist)

I am so excited!

For the last 2 weeks, I have been getting what food should I eat that will give purpose to my body. Become more conscious I have change my diet to eat more vegie and less carb and fried stuff. Yes. It is sooo challenging to live without carbs in Malaysia. Rice and noodles is my main food - good food!

I have once lose 10kilos in 2011 in three months and I feel great! But, My mind was sub-consciously tell me that, I did it once, I can do it again. So, I admitted that I have not been on track and (why am I not surprised?) I have gained 20kilos in 2013. Urggh! Yes. It's horrible. I look at mirror every morning and tell to myself, "I'm not that fat..."  and continue doing what I love most! EAT!

The thing is, friends and family (include my other half) keep reminds me that I gained weight. Yeah.. that's normal until it became imune to me. My sub-conscious mind said, "So what?! I can lose again, I'm just don't want to. Not now. Not today.."

One sweet day, while I was watching TV with some snack..(ok, it's my favourite junk food). My mom, suddenly she asked me, "Do you know you getting fat like who? (in Bahasa; "Acu tahu acu gemuk macam siapa?")  I was stunned and stopped. "Who? (Siapa?)" My face was numb. I can feel as if my heartbeat stop. That night, my mom was very neutral in giving her feedback. No shows of emotion; not angry, not being cynical or being dissapointed. And she mentioned one of our well-known relative. I was shocked and feeling "warned". I can feel the cold-sweat on my forehead, my lips feel dry, and I sigh...

That feedback remind me that, if I didn't do anything about it, instead of being overweight, I could be obese. Well, it's not that I have anything against it but, it is something for me to be alert to.

When I succeed in losing 10kilos last time, I signed into one of the prestige fitness center in KL, and I was committed to lose weight. My focus is to lose fat, weight anything that can support my body lose weight. Oh, ya! I also have one coach which I used to resemble her to 'komunis or samurai'. I was scared and yet respect her and the way she coach me together with a support of a group of 'crazy' people - checking my result every weeks for the whole 3 months. Hahaha! It's a sweet memories.

I don't think so that's working for me now. The only person that can coach me, is myself and support group that I have is a few people that are committed to live a Healhty, Sexy and Sleeky life ~ And, note to self, it is only me that have power to sabotage everything good in my life. And I have learned; learned from a hard way.. :/

And I moved on. It's time to step to left and take the lesson.

Yes. So, as I mentioned earlier in what I wish for 2013, is to have a healthy lifestyle. Be balance. Moderate. Conscious. Happy. Consistence. Yes. At the end of the day, I wanted to lose weight however, my purpose to lose weight is live healthy and happy. And this is what I have created so far since early January 2013;

Light Exercise
I have been waking up early for morning walk for 30-45 minutes, solat/meditate for 10-15 minutes, went to morning market to buy breakfast for my parents and some vegie for lunch. After work, I eaither went for a jog or for a swim in one hour. I'm so excited about my new one piece swimming suit (not yet a bikini) which I bought it a few months ago, only using it for the first time last weekend. Haha! And I love exercising in the swimming pool. It's less stress than walking on a treadmill but, I have to admit my stomach gets little hungry after one hour exercise in the pool. So, I just treat my tummy a nice hot milo kosong (without sugar).

Psyllium Husk
What is Psyllium Husk?
This is very cool supplement food. Read this for more info. Friends recommends this to used as a regular dietary supplement to improve and maintain regular GI transit. I have this every morning, mixing it with water. How it taste? Well, it's tasteless. Some friends describe like having biji selasih drinks. If you have tried Herbalife product, good. But I prefered this because it has same effect and way more cheeper - I got it in one of Indians grocery shop in Brickfeild, KL for less than RM10. I did check out the price in hyper supermarket like Tesco, a bit pricey and can reach to RM40 per packet.

Vegie for Lunch
My lunch is so easy to make. In the morning; I boiled eggs (maximum 2) and two type of vegie, example for today, I boiled japanese mushroom and broccoli. During lunch, I just warm up the boiled vegie for 1-2 minutes, sprinkle it with a bit of salt and pepper. Cut a medium size tomato to 8 pieces. And served with olive oil and a bit lemon juice. One thing about homemade lunch that I really love is my creativity. Oh, ya! Please chew your lunch slow and enjoy every taste of it.

Chips & Sweets
I refuse to weight myself. Not yet. Not now. I want to establish this healthy habit first and get used to it. My learning as of now, is to be conscious of what I eat. Be okay if my body feel the urge to eat some chips and sweets. But, never being excessive and overloaded.

Drinking Water
I have yet to establish the habits of drinking water for 8 glass a day. But, I will keep consciously tell my body to drink water everytime.

Coffee
Actually, creating healthy living is fun! My body feels lighter and I become focus at works. Best things was, my coffee is not to wake me up but, I just merely enjoy the fresh aroma of coffee..

Hungry moments
Oh, yes! Everytime while driving home - that long one hour drive home! Yesterday, Mr. H and I supposed to have dinner at one of our favourite Mamak. But, on the way there, I realise that my phone battery is getting really low - almost died. So I called him to change our plan to meet up at home, instead. I requested him to take away some food for dinner. And so, he's back WITHOUT any food. Nothing for munch. I don't know what get into me. I get so emosional, I can feel my hand are shaken because I was so hungry and angry. And I cried. Mr. H was shocked to see me like that. So, I guess along the journey my mind keep telling me about the food that I hope that Mr. H would bring home and when it's not there, my body react.
What I could do different is to have a snack of healthy biscuit in my car to munch if I felt hungry and control my hunger.

Well, I guess I have to get use to it. Still adjusting my life to be on track and creating what I want to have for 2013. So far, I love my healthy life and lots of things to explore and experiments as long as my intention and purpose are clear.

Cheers to a greater life, Babe!
Sufi.

The Power of Words

Sharing with you on how words can makes a difference to others and to you..



love & lights,
Sufi.