The Heart That We Touched

"The most beautiful things in the world is your heart. And the most ugliest things in the world is also your heart"

- Sufi Mansor.

I am still feeling overwhelmed on what has happened last night. I have experience the most beautiful gathering ever. When two stranger met, and both of them open their heart to each other, inviting themselves into each other's heart and they open other people's heart too.

Ms. Chandra
I am so lucky to have known Ms. Chandra. She is the most beautiful person I ever met. She is humble, soft and sweet and yet she is also determined, brave and courages woman. I'm in love with her at first sight! She and her late husband, Mr. Ramasamy was blessed with two beautiful children. A son named Vinod and a daughter named Nitya. She is working as a Conveyancing Clerk at Legal Firm named Ramasamy & Co which the firm was set up by her late husband, just passed away end of last year.

How we met?
It's started by professional. I was working with one of legal firm in Kuala Lumpur and we both we're handling with the same person. Her firm acted as the Purchaser's Lawyer to the Purchaser. My firm was acted on behalf the Bank for the Borrower. So, that is how we get connected. She called me, because I am the person in charge for that matter and I have responsible to keep updating on the status of the matter whether the step of procedure has been taking care.

And the professional relationship become friendship. We just "click", and we exchange phone number but, it stops there because I decided to quit practise at that Firm. A month later, I have offered a new job by another legal firm. I do texting her on my current job however, she didn't reply. And the friendship lay as it is.

The Dinner Gathering.
And so sudden, I feel the urge to get in touch with her. Somehow, the vibes of thought has done a work of miracle. She also was thinking about me and we decided to meet up later that evening. Both of us was so thrilled that finally both of us going to meet.

Without my knowing, when I arrived at her place, she and her family has been invited to have a dinner with the Firm Lawyer, Mr. S. I felt bad that I may have caused quandary feelings to Ms. Chandra. However, when they invite me to join for dinner, I accepted it and it was the most pleasent dinner I ever had with a group of people that I met for the first time. I sense a family gathering.

I started by being open, respect and sincere and confidence. And from there, the evergy flows. Each one of them contribute something in the group. And as I remember, I felt love, care, kindness, openess, sincerity and a lot more. Each one of them gives positive energy and it makes me feel like I am part of them.

When I looked back of the sweet memories, it come to my point that each one of us contribute things that we want to get. If we want to have love, the best thing to do is to give love. To give love is to be love. Love unconditionally, without expecting a return.

I have achieve a lot that night and this is another breakthrough in my life that I shall never forget.

True Love Of A Husband To His Wife

By Sufi

Yesterday, as I strugling to complete my article, my dad invite us, Along, Alim and I to have some teh tarik kat the Mamak. I suggest to go to this place called "Q-Bistro" because, they have wi-fi connection. As much as wanted to spend my quality time with a few good men in my life, I put my focused to my article and my goal.

Anyway, Dad has shared with us, mom's health condition. I was shocked to know that Dad inform us, Mom got symptom of high blood pressure. He told me mom got the same symptom like what he experience when he got high blood attack last March.

I remember those days. Mom was not in Malaysia at that time. My mom and My Antie, Mak Long finally achieve their dream to perform pray at the Mecca for Umrah. We are so excited about it and too bad that Dad can't make it. I remember how determine mom is when she decided to go to Mecca.

I tell you, she's been sharing about her compelling desire to go to Mecca since I was in High School. She keep telling herself, she wants to go there so many times and me, at that time was thinking, how come? It's so expensive and she never flew before to any other state by aeroplane. I feel bad when to think of I'm not really understand and believe that she can actually made it.

As time passed by, she's actually preparing herself with the knowledge, mental, emosional and this has make her belief to go to Mecca eventually shall come true. She has solid belief that she can make it. She reads a lot of religious book and watch some info documentary in Mecca. She's build the believe that one day it's her turn to be there. There is something about every each of true Muslim, where we feel the urge to be there and connected to Allah. I don't know how's the feeling gonna be but, surely it will increase the spiritual level of someone.

Well, of course to achieve her dream, there must follow up with an effective action, right? Money is the biggest consideration for her. She is a housewife and, she's been taking care of the grandchildren as one of her income. Other than that, she do saving. There are 3 ways of saving that she did.

1. Main "Kutu" - Hurm.. Explain? Can you guys just google?
2. Saving at Takaful Insurance and at Tabung Haji
3. Generate income from her homemade Curry Puff.

She need to have at around RM6000-00 for her to enroll herself to one of the travel agent that manage the trip to do Umrah. Thank goodness that, My Antie also encourage her to go and they are both really determined to go. I am so proud of both of them.

There is a lot of obstacles that my Mom faced in getting her goal. There is one time when, my younger brother need money for him to get married. Mom has chip in some amount of money to help Safwan. The time to go to Umrah some other times is not suitable for the trip to take place and so many things but, Mom really have iron will. Whatever the obstacle, she just do it and continue doing it.

Until the day comes, it's 8 March 2011. My Auntie and My Mom flew with another more than 100 people to Mecca. They flew with Air-Gulf and to see them, walk towards to door entrance is very inspiring to me.

WOW!!!! Honestly, they really did this.. Both of them achieving and live their dreams.. How powerful is that for someone who is just have education only until Standard Six. And now, she is 63 years old.

My mom is my hero.

However, during hertime in Mecca. Dad was missing her soooooooo much. He confessed to me that he miss mom so much until he felt lonely. Dad can be such an emosional man. His soft side is so gentle and I can sense that she really love my mom. SO DEEP. SO TRUE. And how I wish to have a man that loves me the way he love my mom.

Dad actually said that, his heart cannot take it if God took her away first, before him. I was touched when he said that and we assured him that things will turns out okay. Don't worry too much.

I felt a bit emosional at this time. I also don't know what will happen to us if we don't have a mother like Mom. The Iron Lady. And balance with Loving Husband - They love aech other with unconditionally. And they both are the best example for all of us. I'm sure, Along and Angah and Safwan has found the best woman for them and to live with.

And I remember when we celebrate Mother's Day recently on 8th May 2011, I woke up at around 11am, and committed to celebrate Mother's Day with my family. Alhamdulillah.. My Dad, My Mom, Alim (my 4th Bro) is awake and hungry. Surprisingly, two of my nephew (Zaidi & Zubir) are in the house as well..

After I did a few wishing Mother's day phone calls to my close cousins(Deq Na & Deq Ni) & Mak Long (My mom's Sis) and to my Sister in Law at Ipoh(Kak Syam), we all decided to go to have our lunch at Kampung Baru because Mom don't feel like doing or cooking anything today. Besides, it's near to my Angah's house (my 2nd Bro) and he join us together with his son (Syamil). Poor Syamil, her mother and two of his sis (Zara & new born Zuyyin) is in Ipoh because Kak Syam (my 2nd bro's wife) is in her "pantang period" and her mother is taking care of her.

Later that night, Along and Kak Long (My 1st bro & his wife) come to our house and bring one big barrel of KFC!!! Finger Licking Good!! :P And followed up Safuan and Aina (my youngest bro(the 5th Bro) & his wife) and also, lovely little Adawiyah, (2 months old - their daughter)

Why is it so special?

I never felt so close to this date just because I never celebrate it with full of my heart. Usually, I just wish this wonderful women in my family on their birthday. And to think of it, I can just show my love everyday to my mother and wallah..!! Happy Mothers Day everyday..

Anyway, why today Mother's Day is so special to me? Just because, I have witness the pure and simple feeling of each of my family member towards my mother, and how we appreciate her as the best example of how the best mother should be. I have witness, Aina, (the youngest member of the family) give breast feed to Adawiyah, how lovely the feeling should have been for her. I have witness, Kak Long help my mother to wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen after we had finished our dinner.. I have spoke to these incredible and remarkable women; Mak Long, (I shall share you her story in future) together with her 2 lovely daughter, Deq Na, mother of 3 and Deq Ni, just give birth to a baby boy - 2 months. And Kak Syam, mother of 3.

Yes, my friend. To have witnesses all of these moment is priceless. To have gathered so much love in the family for today is a blessing. I, too shall be a mother to some one and this someone shall love and adore me as much as I love and adore all the Mother that have entered in my life.

And to all man out there, what have you done to appreciate the woman in your life lately?

Lots of love

Hey Lady Driver - Part II

Aku dah share pengalaman aku how I finally got to drive kat aku punya previous article yang bertajuk "Hey Lady Driver Part I. Sekarang ni, aku nak share, kenapa? Why is it such a big deal for me.

To you who's driving, mesti korang dah masak dah perangai orang-orang di jalan raya yang suka potong que, orang yang malas nak bagi signal kiri or kanan, orang yang lembab tapi, dok kat lane laju dan bermacam-macam jenis lagi manusia dengan pelbagai perangai.. Ada yang ego, yang taknak kalah, road-bully, tapi, ada juga yang bertoleransi dan bertanggungjawab. Which category are you?

Bagi aku, kejayaan aku dalam memiliki Lesen Memandu, walaupun masih dalam "percubaan" adalah sangat bermakna, aku ada member yang dah lebih dari dua tahun ada lesen kereta tapi, tak bawak-bawak kereta sebab takut. Sekarang ni dah boleh bawak kereta laa nasib baik.. :)

Kalau nak diikutkan rasa takut tu, sampai ke hari ni aku takkan boleh bawak kereta. Serius. AKu akan ada my own "chauffer" tapi, something is missing back then. Bila aku tengok kawan-kawan girl aku yang bawak kereta confident semacam jer, aku jadi jealous korang tau tak! Sebab, kenapa dorang boleh bawak, sedangkan tak de beza pun, tangan kaki semua cukup..

Aku ingat lagi, masa time aku tak boleh bawak kereta dulu, aku setakat posing kat stereng kereta jer.. konon2, aku laa yang bawak kereta tu.. macam gambar orang pompuan kat bawah ni..

At that time, aku just stare jer tangan aku, holding on to the stereng.. slowly, aku rasa macam aku satu perasaan keinginan untuk bergerak. Untuk ke hadapan. Aku tak mahu lagi rasa dibelengu dengan perasaan takut, kurang yakin dan macam-macam lagi. Aku nak rasa empower.

Perasaan tu sampai terbawa-bawa dalam mimpi seolah-olah aku memang dah drive. I imagine myself, I was driving on the highway while listening to my favourite songs. Terasa angin menghembus ke wajah ku..chewahh..*mood romantik" la pulak..

Tapi, itulah.. bila tak de iron will, apa saja rintangan yang melanda, aku pasrah kan jer, bukannya nak redah dan buat sampai habis. Itu yang jadi sepatutnya, aku dah boleh drive when I was 20 years old terus tunggu sampai umur aku 30 years old baru nak bawak kereta. Sepuluh tahun, beb! Apa kes?!!

So, for me.. to be able to drive is very important for me. It's symbolized something worth doing. Driving has thought me to be confident and clear on where I want to go. Kalau aku tak sure mana aku nak pergi, sure aku sesat punya.

Hehehe.. sebut pasal sesat, aku kalau tak tau jalan memang aku akan call boyfriend aku untuk mintak tolong aku cari jalan keluar sampai dia complaint macamana aku mintak tolong dia.

"Boo, I sesat.."
"U kat mana?"
"I tak tau.."
"U nak pergi mana?"
"I nak pergi Kota Damansara,"
"Sekarang you dah kat mana?"
"I tak tau.."

*rolling eyes* "duh!!!! Dah sesat, mestilah I tak tahu I kat mana," Lepas tu dia reply, "Kalau you tak bagitau I, location you kat mana, macamana I nak tolong you?"

Hehe..okey!!! He has a point.

Ada satu kali tu, aku nak pergi Subang. Jumpa kawan aku, Intan. Aku dari Setiawangsa. Dari Duke aku terus ikut tol Jalan Duta. Lepas tu, entah ke mana-mana, aku sedar-sedar, aku dah dekat Shah Alam. Aku punyalah takut, aku berhenti kat stesen minyak. Tiba-tiba, kawan aku call, tanya aku kat mana? Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... aku bantai nangis siut. Nangis yang tak ingat punya!!! Sampai kawan aku cuak, "Beb, ko okey ke beb? Ko kat mana ni?"
"Aku tak tahu.. aku keluar tol Batu Tiga dah.. aku tak tahu.."jawab aku dengan "innocent"nya.
Punya lah bengap! Nasib baik, kawan aku tahu aku kat mana bila aku describe landmark yang ada di sekeliling aku, rpa-rupanya dia hantar kereta dia kat workshop sebelah stesen minyak tuer.. Antara kenangan "manis" aku membawa kereta.. :P

Yeah! Of course.. kita yang baru nak belajar bawak kereta ni, mesti ada bubu moment yag tak dapat dilupakan, kan? But, it makes our life meaningful.

I see my life is a journey. What kind of journey I want to create? Who I want to "be" in order for me to enjoy my journey?

"Be"..
What is it means? Be what? Being? I want to be powerful When I drive, thatis how I feel. Powerful, empowered, alive! I'm in control of mylife. I live my life the way I want to live. I allowing myself to navigate to where I want to go and how I want to do it and with who I want to bring along.

Talk about empowerment, this article inspired me.

It's about Arab Saudi women who protest wanted to drive. As far as I know, I thought, Arab Saudi women were forbidden to drive. How on earth they (MEN) create those stupid rule not to allowed women to drive. Surpressed our right of freedom to movement!!!

Whatever la En. Bung you punya kenyataan tentang, pemandu perempuan ni "slow" tak de meninggalkan kesan pun, we all are going to drive. But, just to take note, you tu pandai sangat ke drive???? Dah lah kaki pendek! Hahahaha.. sampai ke kaki tu nak break..?



Anyway, to conclude, I am a Lady Driver and I have style!!! Take it or leave it, we are going to rule the world..!! *snap! snap! snap!* zaasssss...

Why Men Don't Talk To Women?

This video is hillarious for me. Something to starts off. Wonder why MEN don't talk to women? Hey, we can come up with a lot of "answer" or assumption (to be political correct) to that question. However, can I suggest that before a man WANT to talk to a woman, maybe he should ask himself what is his objective? Who he want to talk to and who he need to be when he talk to a woman. So that, he can get his result.

I'm not an expert and I don't have all the answer to all questions. Anyway, I would love to share with you guys what did I found out about interpersonal communication. There is four type of style of communicating that we can categorized to. How to identify one? There is two type of people, formal and informal. And from then, we divided them to dominant and easy-going. So, there will be four groups and a combination of;-
1. Formal - dominant : Controller Style;
2. Formal - easy-going : Analysing Style;
3. Informal - dominant : Promoter Style;
4. Informal - easy-going : Supporter Style.

Controller Style
Driving, efficient and result-oriented
Weakness: Appreas insensitive, brassy and overbearing

Analysing Style
Thorough, exacting and persistent
Weakness: Apathy, boring, picky and stubborn

Promoting Style
People with this style mostly creative, enthusiastic and expressive.
Weakness: Lacks follow through, appears phony, pushy and insincere

Supporting Style
Accepting, cooperative and friendly.
Weakness: appear weak, indecisive, wishy-washy and smothering

Which groups are you in?
It can be mix of two groups but what's best suit you the most is your major. For example, I am a promoter-supporter and I lacked with analysing and controller. My bestfriend is controller-analyser and I can rely on her to get things done! My boyfriend is analyser-supporter. So, anything to do with numbers, maps, I leave it to him. It's too complicated for me. And many more characteristic that we can see in other people.

Why this is helping us to communicating well with other? So, that we can identify our strength and weaknesses in order for us to get what we want from others. Things get stuck because the meeting of mind did not exist. We need to get the balance and understanding so that what we want can be achieved.

This is just another mechanisme for us to see the possibility of having good communication with others. Enjoy! Practise make perfect.

My Superlicious Fantabulous WOW Day!!

By Sufi-licious

By now, I can remember all my LP145 member's name by heart. We have 5 small groups all together; 7-up, Infinity, Jacksan-7, HOT and Polaris.
All have their own charactoristic which symbolise each of everyone in the groups. We all have a mission to accomplish and we all want to win.
We all want to achieve our dreams and personal, professional goals in life. A qoute from Earl Nightingale (1921-1989) saying

"People with goals succeed because they know where they're going. It's that simple."

All of them have been inspired or be inspiration to each of everyone in the team because they understand what it takes to be a winner and most
importantly is how to be a leader. The learning by doing is far beyond the expectation. All the memories in the training room shall be kept in
the safebox of our heart. Althought, our mission within 3 bloody month is not yet accomplished however, our mission to create a WOW DAY to the 3
groups of Under Privilige has been a spectacular day EVEEERRRRRRRR!!!!

The event took place at Park Royal Hotel, Penang on Sunday, 19th June 2011 at 2.00pm - 5.00pm.
Most of us has assembled at the Hotel on Saturday evening to do the final preparation. Well, when I to think of the preparation, it's all started
on our 1st weekend itself when we decide, to who we want to contribute to for our WOW DAY; The Under Privilege.

The Under Privilege.
Our seniors who we also called "the COACH" [not the beg brand from that whatever country], were puzzled on our decision why we choose the Under Privilege?
Who are we refering to? And we are so proud to say it's include Old Folks, Orphanage and the Refugees. It's sound ambitions. I like to take creadit for
bring up the Refugees group in the discussion. There is a long list of the people that we want to contribute and at the end, we choose Seri Cahaya Homes
and LifeBrigde Refugees School. Both organisation are in Penang. And yes, out of 35 members, 7 are from Penang and they are determined to gives the best
for the members from KL. Remarkable spirit of Bee Chin the Queen Bee, our Chairwoman and her Loving Hubby, Hock Meng, Bee Yoke, the Kindergarden tearcher
and also takes the challange to incharge for our T-shirt. Zi Ying, Ms. Lovely. Ester, Ms. Don't-give-bullshit :), Sze, Ms. Mushroom!!! and Last but not
least, Mdm Young At Heart, Agnes. You guys are awesome!! AWESOOMMMMMMMEEE!!! (I use a lot of awesome words, until I am forbidden to say that words during
wow day).

These people highlight a number of Homes include these two groups and we have choose the perfect one for our very first Wow Day. They have fit our
criteria on who will we wish to contribute.

Seri Cahaya Homes.
It's all started from one person, Mdm .... She's working as a nurse and she noticed a few kids who has been left alone in the house while the
Parents went to work. She offered to take care of the children. And while she's doing what she does, more children come and it's not only from one
particular race but also, a mix groups. That's include the autisme, old folks and even HIV kids. Now, the Homes has grew bigger and she did it all
from the help of her volunteers and not a single penny from the Government. the Publis saw what she has done and contribute for the kids and old folks
and help comes from many ways. God bless this Homes and the children.

LifeBrigde Refugees School.
The groups are the children who don't have opportunity to receive education in Malaysia. Just because, they are not recognise by the government. They
don't have Malaysian birth certificate which qualified them to be in the Public school. These children are so smart, street smart I must say. They have ambitions and to live happily.
To suvive in another country without have the opportunity to learn to read and to calcutale, to understand is something that we need to take note.
Do we ever aware of their existence in this country?

The Kids are Rohingya from Western Maynmar called Arakan. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rohingya_people
And it's easy to discribe them as the Burmese Kids. I was shocked
to look at them and they are actually from Maynmar. In my head, they probably have look-like Vietnem Kids, have the fair skin with the sepet eyes. But, they look like Indian-Muslim Kids. We probably thought that their parents are actually Malaysian, if we don't know that these kids are from Maynmar.
And the people who manage the School, is so warm and beautiful group of people and I acknowledge them for their effort to have provide shelter and
educate them in every area of education that they can contribute. Such a giver people.

The Hotel.

The Penang Groups has WOW us when they succesfully enrolling Park Royal Hotel, Penang to our vision to open the boundless possibilites for our WOW DAY.

They also negotiate with the Hotel and has giving us the best service and the best rates. Thank you, Mr. Rosli. We all love you and bless you
and your team for all the contribution to provide the venue and the foods, and the scenary by the beach and every little thing that counts.
More than words. Thank you, Park Royal Hotel, Penang.

The Proposal.
After our 1st weekend of our Leadership Program, we gather the Team to discuss what, who, where and when in order to have a proposal so that the Coordinator,
Mr. Suresh of Asiaworks Training approved. Although that many analyser in the Team were asking, how? how? how? but, it does not matter as long as this
Mr. SO-good-to-be-True approved our proposal. It took us more than one week to finalise it and a lots of bla bla bla boom!! APPROVED! Lesson learned, when
the intention are cyrstal clear, the path shall open their ways. And what I was proud during the pre-preparation, is when to choose the Committee.

The Committee.
I suggested to Sanjay that, we need to have a committee for this event so that we have our focused people who will be incharge for every department.
Well, of course, during the preparation of the Proposal, the group of what they themselves called "Superhero" are the Team Coordinator. I personally
feel that there must have one group who shall be responsible and to make sure that our WOW day is a WOW!!! Taking from the experience, I believe
that there is a lot of leader to be recognise and to be polished. And then there's vote! Chairwoman, Bee Chin, Iron Lady.
Vice Chairwoman, Sandy - Ms. Optismistic. Secretary, Alia - Ms. Princess for 18 years old kids. Treasury, Desya - Ms. Trusworthy. Public Relation, Inez
Ms. Authentic, Super Promoter! I must give credits to Evelyn Ms. Big Heart who has been the stronger member for Wow Day Event Team and Tammy,
Ms. kick-ass-shut-up-and-get-your-ass-into-the-pool for being the stronger member for Fund Raising Team.

OMG!! All of them are freaking, don't mess around women!!!!! Awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! And these women kicked ass. Really.

The Fund Raising and the Wish List.
Everybody have their own ways to raise fund for this WOW day. We have target RM40K for the Seri Cahaya Homes, RM30K for the LifeBrigde Refugees School
and RM10k for the WOW day Event. All together is RM80k. I feel numb when I first heard this. Whoa...!! Can we achieve this?? This is crazy!! But, this is
what the "Wishlist"...and yeah, we are going to make it happen because, it's not for us. We put our intention out to the Under Privilege.

Honestly, at first I was clueless. I don't know how to raise fund for these people. RM2,600 for each team member. That is more than how much I earned
every month. We come out one ways which is to sell RM30 worth voucher. Tammy and Kim Fang, another "Kick-ass Mama" enrolled more than 20 stores of
saloon, restaurant that are agreeing to be participate for this WOW DAY. They both covered KL and PJ area. And Penang Group also enrolled 10 stores.
And each of us were given 30 pieces of voucher. RM30 x 30 is RM900. So, if I manage to sell all voucher, I just need to find another RM1700 to accomplised
my part.

I received the 30 pieces of voucher on 2nd June 2011 and I just sold 1 piece before 11th June 2011. I hate that feelings. To have realizes that I have not
done anything at all. I have not enrolled anybody to WOW day Vision. And all I have collected is just grungies. A lot of grungies. And on 11th June,
I have a breakdown. I have a some dispute with my beloved boyfriend where he questioned me on how I participate to raise fund for the WOW day. I'm trying
so hard to make him believe that I'm doing something allready and when I'm losing in my submission of excuses and realizes that I just gives him a
bunch of crap and a lot of bullshit, I stand up and shout, "Fuck it la!! I'm going back!!!!" I took my stuff and drove like crazy woman. Well, my
intention is to get his intention and hoping that he will say sorry and yeah.. Me doing what I think I do best, emotional blackmail.

The Breakthrough.
After 30 minutes driving, I started to cool down and felt something is not right when he didn't call me. He didn't text me at all. He just don't give
a freakin' damn. And it makes me think. Think so deep until it reaches my bottom of my heart. I drove until I reach Tun Ahmad Zaidi College (10 College),
University Malaya(UM). I drove into the parking space and saw the building where I stayed during my first year in UM. I remember I was active in college.
I involved with a lot of activities and that is include one of the annual project that the College committed to, it's Charity Project for Orphanage.
I was 20 back then and I am one of the facilitator for the Project. I was incharge of a group of an orphanage. I can't remember their names now but,
I remember their warm faces and their sweet smile. The project took place at the College itself where the Orphange from different Homes in Lembah Klang
came to 10 College to stay for one night. They arrived on Saturday morning and we bring them to all around UM and a few other places in KL/PJ such as
Nanyang Siang Pau Office, Pusat Sains Negara, Mont Kiara and many more. That night, I spend my night with these three lovely girls. Two of them are sisters.
They are from Asrama Damai. They stayed in my room. My roomate was not in the hostel. It was semester break for us and school holiday for the kids.

So, we chat. We share a lot of memories when we were kids. They shared their hopes and dreams with me. And what most important, they pun the trust in me.
Someone who at that time still clueless on what I want to achieved. At that time, I'm still not sure whether I want to continue be in the Law Faculty.
Still searching for what is real for me. They have look up me so high and one of them said to me, "I want to be just like you when I grew up."

Gosh!! That evening, when I remember those days, my heart was filled with gratitude. Slowly, my heart turns warm and I smile. I missed those feelings.
The feeling of contribution to others who are just stranger and yet we have a lot of common, we wanted to be happy and have a meaningful life. We want to
love and to be loved. :) Regardless for who we are and what we wanted to be.

And so, I called my boyfriend and apologize. We meet again. We look at each other eyes. Look real deep. And when he said he loves me, my tears drop and
I feel relieved. I finally understood what it takes to have compelling desire and Solid Belief.

And I start my engine.

Beautiful People.
On the same day, my Bf and I were invited by a friend named Zach to attend to this seminar, it's a talk on leadership at UCSI.
What so special about these group is they use Religion approach to empower the listener to be what it takes to be a leader. The Speaker is Dr. Peter Ting
from OceanBlue Strategy. I got him so deep in his idea and what he promote of. Although, I'm not sure how to explain what they do
however, I acknowledge that they are creating some waves of positiveness in their action and their words. They shared an energy where it's
started from a human being to another human being. The energy has grew bigger and so powerful until it has opened up my eyes, my mind and my heart.
And feeling was so intense until it makes me stand up and have a stand by supporting them in a way where what do I understood on
what are the purpose of the Religious itself and how the Religious play the main role in every each of human being.

Regardless that you are a Muslim, Christian, Sikh, Buddha, Hindu or others, our common value are to promote goods. It was beautiful feelings, to have peace
of mind, to have serenenity of a pure heart. Imagine all the people living life in peace.. And they may say I'm a Dreamer and I'm not the only one..
And the world will live as one.. Thanks, John for your lovely song.. Imagine.

I don't really focused what I was about to say but I know I got to seized the opportunity and take an effective action. At the moment when my intention
is so clear on what I suppose to do, I walk to Zach (he's the EMCEE of the night), I request the microphone from Zach and gives a short speech and enrolled
my vision to these group. It was more than 20 people from various age of men and women. And suddenly, people start come in to buy the voucher. That night,
I got RM960 all together and my intention was for the Under Privilege.

I felt great. And I'm not stopping there. I strategised. Other that voucher, what else I can do? I called one friend. Some old friend of mine, Just
asking what he was doing. He said, he's on the way to the Curve. He got a Bowling Tournament to attend. I see what's possible for this group to give
the contribution to these Under Privilege. Boom! I got it! Another RM200. Friends, fellow friends. Meeting up and they contribute cash and things.

And it's still not enough. I went to my previous workplace, Sisters In Islam. They got me and contribute. RM100. Not enough. Look forward for another
opportunity of enrolling other poeple to our WOW day vision. I support Fund Raising Team at our Community Booth at One Utama 2 nights in a row. Not much
but, the effort does gives awareness to other people on what we are doing currently. And when they asked where you guys are from and we answered, we are
a group of true Malaysian who want to create a difference to the nation.

Last effort, just before the night we leave KL to Penang, I approached another one friend just to get RM30 donation. And he gaves me, more that RM1000
donation. My heart stop pumping for a while, blood rush to my face. I looked at him with unbelievable eyes and couldn't not describe how remarkable things
just happened. I'm speechless and he just smiled, "at least there will be a blanket and a nice mattress for these kids to sleep on,"

Thank you. You guys have make a changes in everyone life. You have make a difference in my life, indeed. Thank you for your beautiful hearts and soul.

The Journey.
On 18th June 2011, at 7.15am the KL group and the volunteers are on the go and high energy and spirit. We actually traveled more than 5 hours and we reach
there early. At the moment when we crossed the Penang Bridge, I knew the journey was blessed. To have meet again the Penang group, was so amazing! They have
done so much so far. And Ester just lost her Grandma and she was torn whether to be in the Event or be with the family. And she choose to be with us.
Her strenght has inspired a lot of us. Bee Chin and Hock is so excited to be tour guide and bring us to Balik Pulau for Durian after Seri Cahaya meeting.
Bee Yoke finally has produce a nice t-shirt of torquist color with our names all printed on the back of the Shirt. Yes!!!

I am not alone during this journey. I brought my volunteer. He is my forth brother. Salim. Way before the Wow Day Event, I invited him to the Guest Event
where I introduce him to a number of LP145 members. He show not much of reaction of excitement but, then I introduce him to Alia. (hehehe..)
On the way home, he was amazed to have seen to the confidence level of the people who have attended the training. He asked me, how to be in the training.
I said, "just fill up the form and pay lah," One week later, he still have not complete filling up the form. I asked, "which part?"
And he replied, "the Goals section." I asked again, "what is your goal?", He answered, "I got many. Don't know what to choose." "Just Choose three,"I said.
Well, the conversation goes on and on and I felt his resistance to continue talking to me. He rather spend his time chatting with some girls who he
haven't met in personal than speak heart to heart with his only sister who genuinely care and love him.

I got annoyed of his being that night and I ended with a statement,

"I am NOT your sisters from tonight onwards!!"

Another breakdown. I can be such a control bitch sometimes. Being impatient with things that stuck. And get easily frustrated when things does not goes
what I have hope. If only he knows how big I see in him and how I want him to see himself bigger. How I envy him when I was kid and mom gives so much
attention to him. How I notice that he is the only one among the siblings who take the challenge to study in Science Streame and what's could have
he created for his future. But, things does not go accordingly in his life but, now is moving forward only, slow. No urgency. Same like I used to be.

And being that realization, I spoke to him. I apologize and share my feelings and what I see in him. That 5 minutes moment is meaningful to me and especially
when he agreed to follow me to Penang for WOW day. If he only knows, I am so f***kin' proud of him and hope to see him grew bigger than what he is right now.

The Saturday Event at Seri Cahaya Homes.
After we hed our lunch, we went straight to Seri Cahaya Homes to deliver the goods that they had wish in their wish list. The weather is so warm and hot at
the same time. Right behind the Homes is the beautiful beach. When we arrived there and I gives myself an opportunity to be in the experience of
being thankful and how I amazed the scenary. It's a kampung setting, with a coconut tree all over the place. The Kids were having their lunch at thet time
and the look that most Volunteers gives was as if they were in a weird place, most probably what's playing in their head was, "okey....we're here,
then what?" I was so excited to received LP145 t-shirts! Can wait to wear but, the weather was so hot.

Anyway, without further a due, the Team and Volunteer set up the cabinets and clean the libarary and many area at the Homes.
To see the changes of the being of the Library for me giving me such satisfaction. Although, I wish that we could have more time that we could arranged
the books accordingly to their categories. Oh, I miss the Library. The amount of books in the library for the kids is not much but, they have a very
good collection of story books and how I wish I could have had the opportunity to read one of the fairytale stories to these kids.
I grew up with these stories, Cinderella, Pocahantas, Beauty and the Beast and many more.

The ceremony starts at 3.00pm and opening speech from Sandy, the Vice Chairwomen being energertic and authentic really has kickin' some excitement
for the Team, and the Volunteers. Mdm Principal's has inspired me a lot in a way of a giver has been. She did not expected recognisation, money
or anything material when she starts the Homes. What's motivated her was the love that she have in her for these Kids and the senior citizen. Now she
bought a house for the Children. She have the determination to help the needy one and she has proove herself that God shall be with whoever that have
the intention to contribute to the people.

When I listened to her and saw her spirits, I saw inner beauty and how much love she have and she gave. And she shall not stop there until her last
breath. She allready dedicated her life for this Homes. I wish I can describe her with words and I felt that I have seen an angel that just
landed from heaven. Her being was so warm and she has touched my heart and the rest of us.

Tammy and her magic hand blowing that music instrument, clarinet has change the event be more energetic. The Doraemon songs work so far that catch the
attention of the Kids. Some Ice-cream man come and we bought Ice-creams for every kids and many adult "kids" overjoy and expressing themselves
by dancing and sing along. The Kids was so excited and many volunteers were in the moment of "whoa, these people on mushrooms or what?" and many of
them just play along and enjoy themselves with the Kids and Old FOlks. I overheard Dylan gives feedback to us saying that, "they would go crazy if you
guys play Tamil Song. Achacha, okey?!!" "Okey, tomorrow we play some Tamil song for them,"

To see the Kids were dancing "La Bamba" Song, they just shake their booty and head, give me joy and I love every moment. To notice that,

"hey, can't
wait for my WOW DAY!! Can't wait for tomorrow!!!"

:)

Before we go to the Hotel, we drop by at the Durian stall near Balik Pulau. We were on top of the hill and the view was so amazing. I felt worthy it to be
in Penang and plan our WOW day here. I felt so grateful that LP145, after all the drama during the one month period in getting people, kicking their ass,
and our ass being kicked. These people keeps envaded our life, push! Push! push our limits! These crazy people are so determined to reach target of
RM80K for the Under Privilege. And there my brother and I were on top of the hill and he look at me and without saying it, "Your people are crazy!!"
and I replied with that show off smile, "We rather be crazy people than to be lame.."

Preparation Nights.
It was a blessed. I get so excited to finally arrived at Park Royal Hotel. The Hotel view was so freakin' fantastic, boombastic, mr. loba-loba!! It's
amazing. Honestly. The lobby was big and we can see the ocean right afte we in the hotel. And when I reach the grand deluxe room,
my jaw was down and this room was the finest room ever. The ocean was in front of me, the sound of ocean is the most beautiful sounds ever.
The mattress was so comfy. LCD tv. They have bathtab, Uhhh..can't wait to be by myself with luke-warm water. It's fantastic lah.
Well, they have competative like Holiday Inn and even Hard Rock Hotel, I've heard of how amazing Hard Rock Hotel Penang was. Well, to have enrolled
such corporation in our vision; small and yet powerful has a huge impact for us. Money is just a symbol and because of this WOW day,
Park Royal Hotel are actually bringing new meaning what's money means to the Under Privilege, to the Volunteers, to the Witness to are around the
events, to the Hotel themselves and to us, LP145.

After refreshing ourselves, we went down at the Grand Ballroom where the event shall take place. Briefing starts at 8.00pm for the LPs.
Everybody was so excited to have do the preparation. Bee Chin announcing the money that we have collected and we were soooooooooooo happy to have known
at that time, our collection have acceeded more than 80K. I felt like, impossible is nothing. That 6 distiction of leadership has created a leader
in every each of us. Whoa!!! Really. Whoa!!!

But, it's not the end.

After dinner and all, most of the member still have energy for dancing. They went to 69. I surrender. I need rest. Besides, I can go dancing all night
after the event wrap up if I want. And embrace that night, be away from KL, facing up the ocean and listen to the sounds of the beach, be one with
the nature and how I wish my boyfriend is right beside me and enjoy the moment together. I gives credits to him for giving me the kick and some
inspiration. And I know he was so proup of me when I have a breakthrough troughout the period. He never have given up in me and he see me big.
I don't buy my bullshit although I beg him. I sell him with cheap price. At one or two moment, I request him just to wear his Boyfriends Hat. and he is
there to comfort me and assured that things will be fine. And when I look into his eyes and I see myself looking at him. What a beautiful eyes he has,
and what a beautiful heart he has possess. And what's best, I own it because he trusted me. Love is way beyond words. He is my hero. Someone that I look
up to. Someone that, I know has a greater impact to my life.

Thank you for enrolling me to have the opportunity to have this experience in the first place.

19th June 2011.
That morning, I wake up and wash my face and brush my teath and get ready to walk by the beach. To have the ocean breeze against my face has giving me
softest energy. Slowly I opened up my heart to what's possible to happen today at the WOW day. Love? Trust? Fun? Honesty? Relationship? Hope?
Inspiration? Grateful? What else? As my feet were playing with the sand, one text message come from Brian. Talked a bout Brian, he is.. the most
hardest person in my group that I can be open with in the beginning. He communicate to fast and It's difficult for me to catch his words sometimes but,
we had our moment together. I replied his text and invited him to join me at the beach. and a few minutes later, he joined me. I saw his gloomy face.
He was so excited and share me his story about the journey from KL to Penang with his Dad, Uncle Hoon. It's Father's Day and he felt joy to have the
opportunity to celebrate it with his Dad in Penang.

He introduce me to his Dad and Uncle Hoon was so happy to be there. "The place is so beautiful, the food is so delicious, and the people is so warm
and friendly, I like my vacation," as what he shared. I replied, "It's good to have you here too, uncle."

Brian and I decided to have breakfast together. Later that join us is Desha and Nurul. And then Alia. I called my brother to join us. He came
20 minutes later. At that time, Alia was telling us a story and she stop a while and acknowledge, "Eh, you shaved (mustached and beared)," and continue
with her story. Knowing my brother, I know he is quite embrassed to have notice that way. (hehehe..) Anyway, we have our victim-hotline-moment on the
table. I picked up a few stories and I am a natural born supporter. However, I turned the story to be responsible stories.
As much as I want to share it here in this article, all I can summarised is, moment over, step to the left and lesson learned.

The time is ticking. My brother and I quickly got to the room and packed the bag and check out. LP145 have grounding session at 10.30am and we
need to ground the Volunteers at 11.00am.

Jay, the Coordinator for the LP145 really has done a great slap to me and to the group. During the grounding, he reminded us to have the focus to
the Under Privilege. He reminded us on what our being supposed to be during the event. At that particular of time, what playing in my mind is
finally, it's my WOW day. Don't know how much WOW it can be. Don't know how many little WOW can be created but, I know and every each of us
know, it's gonna be a BIG WOW DAY!!

WOW DAY EVENT
The Kids from LifeBridge Refugees School were suppose to arrived at around 1.00pm. All the Volunteer and LPs were at their places. We were all ready
with a higher spirit and excitement. I myself committed to create a loving, responsible and fun for this event. Focus! Focus! Focus! I don't know
what to expect but, I just place myself where I need to be. At the registration table. We received them with an open heart and warm smile, with a welcome
applouse. And the Kids were smiling at me giving me their names one by one. They were 8-10 Kids for each group from LifeBridge. We play the high beat
song from Katy Perry, Black Eye Peas just to make the Kids felt happy and warm up for the event. I felt so excited and can't wait to received Kids from
Sri Cahaya. And there they was, I guest it's about 12-15 Kids and 2 Old Folks for each group. And the Volunteer was so excited to received the Kids.
OWTFGFIA!!!

After the ice-breaking session, and to keep the energy in high momentum, LP145 cheering their cheer, sang their song and do the LP145 clap!! Yess!! We
committed to go all out for this event and to create the most unforgotten WOW DAY ever. Whatever experience we have with the Kids and Old Folks
will always place is our sweet memories. And one of the sweet memories that my brother and I share is two boys from LifeBrigde School. AyubKhan and Yusuf.

AyubKhan and Yusuf.
I need to rest for one minute before I wrote about these two boys. Ayubkhan was 11 years old and he wore Chekered Blue Shirt and Yusof was 7 years old
wearing Baju Melayu. Both of them are from Rohingya. I'm not sure whether their parents is in Malaysia working here or not but, their being is same like
my most hyper active nephews, Zubir. At first, they look very obidient, listen to us so, I just let my brother to take care of them both. I know he can
handle them. But, who knows that both of them together can be a nightmare.. hahaha!!

However, to have seen those kids just enjoying themselves, having a time of their life has been a tremendous feelings for me. To have seen they walk off and the word goodbye is the hardest word to say. I kissed those two kids and pray that they would have become somebody worthy to their country.

Just to think about it again, if only everybody balance themselves to be a giver and taker. To give love and to take love.. should the world be wonderful? No hunger, No war, everybody is taking care of each other and live in harmonies? Could it be achieved? Is it so hard to do?
Hurm.. who can answer that? Anyway, I'm sure everybody are loving and caring. Would they turn their back when their brothers/sisters seek helps? :) Ponder and enjoy the video. It's the outcome of our WOW DAY. LP145, One Heart, One World, Boundless Possibility.



The Seniors
Before we took off, Jay call all of us for debrief, and it's a honor for me to receives acknowledge from him that he saw a leader in every each of us. All of us give 100% and we all want to make this day as our WOW DAY. Feedback from the seniors.. have touched and give more inspiration for me to WIN in achieving my goals. Thank you Jay, Tina the Control B**tch-I-don't-buy-bullshit, Zee the supercool-zass, Isaam the super promoter , Harvey the analiser-freak and last but not least, Kit the Bintang-Tiga-Komunis. And I love them SOOOOOOOOOOO much!! :P Because of this WOW DAY, I have seen their soft side and they are all loving, caring and sincere person. I know that there is another more than 45 days to complete our LP journey and this WOW DAY really make me a different person. My view about life has open wide and I felt that all of our hard work has paid off and we look forward for more WOW DAY!!

I love my Superlicious Fantabulous WOW Freakin' DAY!!

Aung San Suu Kyi

Freedom from Fear speech
by Aung Sang Suu Kyi, 1990

It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it. Most Burmese are familiar with the four a-gati, the four kinds of corruption. Chanda-gati, corruption induced by desire, is deviation from the right path in pursuit of bribes or for the sake of those one loves. Dosa-gati is taking the wrong path to spite those against whom one bears ill will, and moga-gati is aberration due to ignorance. But perhaps the worst of the four is bhaya-gati, for not only does bhaya, fear, stifle and slowly destroy all sense of right and wrong, it so often lies at the root of the other three kinds of corruption. Just as chanda-gati, when not the result of sheer avarice, can be caused by fear of want or fear of losing the goodwill of those one loves, so fear of being surpassed, humiliated or injured in some way can provide the impetus for ill will. And it would be difficult to dispel ignorance unless there is freedom to pursue the truth unfettered by fear. With so close a relationship between fear and corruption it is little wonder that in any society where fear is rife corruption in all forms becomes deeply entrenched.

Public dissatisfaction with economic hardships has been seen as the chief cause of the movement for democracy in Burma, sparked off by the student demonstrations 1988. It is true that years of incoherent policies, inept official measures, burgeoning inflation and falling real income had turned the country into an economic shambles. But it was more than the difficulties of eking out a barely acceptable standard of living that had eroded the patience of a traditionally good-natured, quiescent people - it was also the humiliation of a way of life disfigured by corruption and fear.

The students were protesting not just against the death of their comrades but against the denial of their right to life by a totalitarian regime which deprived the present of meaningfulness and held out no hope for the future. And because the students' protests articulated the frustrations of the people at large, the demonstrations quickly grew into a nationwide movement. Some of its keenest supporters were businessmen who had developed the skills and the contacts necessary not only to survive but to prosper within the system. But their affluence offered them no genuine sense of security or fulfilment, and they could not but see that if they and their fellow citizens, regardless of economic status, were to achieve a worthwhile existence, an accountable administration was at least a necessary if not a sufficient condition. The people of Burma had wearied of a precarious state of passive apprehension where they were 'as water in the cupped hands' of the powers that be.

Emerald cool we may be_
As water in cupped hands_
But oh that we might be_
As splinters of glass_In cupped hands.

Glass splinters, the smallest with its sharp, glinting power to defend itself against hands that try to crush, could be seen as a vivid symbol of the spark of courage that is an essential attribute of those who would free themselves from the grip of oppression. Bogyoke Aung San regarded himself as a revolutionary and searched tirelessly for answers to the problems that beset Burma during her times of trial. He exhorted the people to develop courage:

'Don't just depend on the courage and intrepidity of others. Each and every one of you must make sacrifices to become a hero possessed of courage and intrepidity. Then only shall we all be able to enjoy true freedom.'

The effort necessary to remain uncorrupted in an environment where fear is an integral part of everyday existence is not immediately apparent to those fortunate enough to live in states governed by the rule of law. Just laws do not merely prevent corruption by meting out impartial punishment to offenders. They also help to create a society in which people can fulfil the basic requirements necessary for the preservation of human dignity without recourse to corrupt practices. Where there are no such laws, the burden of upholding the principles of justice and common decency falls on the ordinary people. It is the cumulative effect on their sustained effort and steady endurance which will change a nation where reason and conscience are warped by fear into one where legal rules exist to promote man's desire for harmony and justice while restraining the less desirable destructive traits in his nature.

In an age when immense technological advances have created lethal weapons which could be, and are, used by the powefful and the unprincipled to dominate the weak and the helpless, there is a compelling need for a closer relationship between politics and ethics at both the national and international levels. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights of the United Nations proclaims that 'every individual and every organ of society' should strive to promote the basic rights and freedoms to which all human beings regardless of race, nationality or religion are entitled. But as long as there are governments whose authority is founded on coercion rather than on the mandate of the people, and interest groups which place short-term profits above long-term peace and prosperity, concerted international action to protect and promote human rights will remain at best a partially realized struggle. There willcontinue to be arenas of struggle where victims of oppression have to draw on their own inner resources to defend their inalienable rights as members of the human family.

The quintessential revolution is that of the spirit, born of an intellectual conviction of the need for change in those mental attitudes and values which shape the course of a nation's development. A revolution which aims merely at changing official policies and institutions with a view to an improvement in material conditions has little chance of genuine success. Without a revolution of the spirit, the forces which produced the iniquities of the old order would continue to be operative, posing a constant threat to the process of reform and regeneration. It is not enough merely to call for freedom, democracy and human rights. There has to be a united determination to persevere in the struggle, to make sacrifices in the name of enduring truths, to resist the corrupting influences ofdesire, ill will, ignorance and fear.

Saints, it has been said, are the sinners who go on trying. So free men are the oppressed who go on trying and who in the process make themselves fit to bear the responsibilities and to uphold the disciplines which will maintain a free society. Among the basic freedoms to which men aspire that their lives might be full and uncramped, freedom from fear stands out as both a means and an end. A people who would build a nation in which strong, democratic institutions are firmly established as a guarantee against state-induced power must first learn to liberate their own minds from apathy and fear.

Always one to practise what he preached, Aung San himself constantly demonstrated courage - not just the physical sort but the kind that enabled him to speak the truth, to stand by his word, to accept criticism, to admit his faults, to correct his mistakes, to respect the opposition, to parley with the enemy and to let people be the judge of his worthiness as a leader. It is for such moral courage that he will always be loved and respected in Burma - not merely as a warrior hero but as the inspiration and conscience of the nation. The words used by Jawaharlal Nehru to describe Mahatma Gandhi could well be applied to Aung San:

'The essence of his teaching was fearlessness and truth, and action allied to these, always keeping the welfare of the masses in view.'

Gandhi, that great apostle of non-violence, and Aung San, the founder of a national army, were very different personalities, but as there is an inevitable sameness about the challenges ofauthoritarian rule anywhere at any time, so there is a similarity in the intrinsic qualities of those who rise up to meet the challenge. Nehru, who considered the instillation of courage in the people of India one of Gandhi's greatest achievements, was a political modernist, but as he assessed the needs for a twentieth-century movement for independence, he found himself looking back to the philosophy of ancient India:

'The greatest gift for an individual or a nation . .. was abhaya, fearlessness, not merely bodily courage but absence of fear from the mind.'

Fearlessness may be a gift but perhaps more precious is the courage acquired through endeavour, courage that comes from cultivating the habit of refusing to let fear dictate one's actions, courage that could be described as 'grace under pressure' - grace which is renewed repeatedly in the face of harsh, unremitting pressure.

Within a system which denies the existence of basic human rights, fear tends to be the order of the day. Fear of imprisonment, fear of torture, fear ofdeath, fear oflosing friends, family, property or means of livelihood, fear of poverty, fear of isolation, fear of failure. A most insidious form of fear is that which masquerades as common sense or even wisdom, condemning as foolish, reckless, insignificant or futile the small, daily acts of courage which help to preserve man's self-respect and inherent human dignity. It is not easy for a people conditioned by fear under the iron rule of the principle that might is right to free themselves from the enervating miasma of fear. Yet even under the most crushing state machinery courage rises up again and again, for fear is not the natural state of civilized man.

The wellspring of courage and endurance in the face of unbridled power is generally a firm belief in the sanctity of ethical principles combined with a historical sense that despite all setbacks the condition of man is set on an ultimate course for both spiritual and material advancement. It is his capacity for self-improvement and self-redemption which most distinguishes man from the mere brute. At the root of human responsibility is the concept of peffection, the urge to achieve it, the intelligence to find a path towards it, and the will to follow that path if not to the end at least the distance needed to rise above individual limitations and environmental impediments. It is man's vision of a world fit for rational, civilized humanity which leads him to dare and to suffer to build societies free from want and fear. Concepts such as truth, justice and compassion cannot be dismissed as trite when these are often the only bulwarks which stand against ruthless power.

You Complete Me

This article is dedicated to this special man who has opened up my mind, my heart and my eyes to be anything that I want in life.

Thank you Boo for giving me an opportunity to love, to trust and to dream..

It was 7th -9th August 2009 when I was first set my eyes on him and the relationship is just based on Team Leader and Small Group. I was representing Sisters In Islam to attend this training sponsored by Asiaworks Foundation. I have no idea what it's all about. However, before I attend this training, I need to fill up a few sheet of paper asking what I want to achieved in life. At that time, I was not so serious in thinking on what I really want in my life. I was having my sweet time doing some paper works and do training for chambering student by giving them a few awareness about women's right and human rights.

And so, I answered that question and I found out about myself, there is a lot in areas of my life I have not achieved yet although, at that time, I have Law Degree but I did not practise Law because I have a believe that I'm not good enough. I have "L" license but too "chicken" to learn to drive. I have a boyfriend but, he is such an ass at that time. I was not happy at my workplace because I'm searching for something worth for me to work hard on but, I don't know what it is.

When I was at the training, I look at these people how wonderful they are. They are stranger to each other and yet they are very warm and so much a giver. The crowd was multiracial and I'm quite surprise that OKU people are also been invited to this training. I look forward to experience this training. I just hope that it will turn out different from the previous training that I have attended before.

Well, the universe has work in a mysterious way.. and from that moment, my life has change.

Mr. H was my team leader. In the group we have Uncle Daniel, Yogeswari, Kash, Ash, Thammy & I. Mr. H insist that I change to the other group because he wants more guys so that his group could be gender balance. I was shaking my head. It's no way I'm gonna move my ass and walk to other group. I'm okey with the group.. :P

So, in the group we built trust and openness. We share on what area in life that we want to enhance. I was a low confident girl, been so quite and just go with the flow.. and bit by bit, trough the day, I did the exercise and take the value of it. The trainer was Mr. Gordon. A very good looking and charming man. He has that mojo that I shall never forget. Simple and yet very powerful.

I still remember, it was black and red game.

This game is very powerful and has trigger a lot of serious questions that I always avoid. To conclude, how I play this game is same like how I live my life. Fuck! It's really has hit me so hard and yet I realize that, it's a wake up call for me to live my life differently from now on.

That night, I called Mr. H just because I trust him, I trust his being in this training room is to help me to clear in what's was I just experienced. I allowed myself to feel hurt, to feel regret, to be angry and to realize that I am important to everybody. Every decision in life that I took, there is no right, no wrong. It's just a decision that's gonna effect me and everybody in my life.

I take risk to share what I experience and I found out that I am Ms. 50-50, that's why never get full satisfaction in everything I do. I didn't put 100% and it does not matter how I justify things. The result that count. Thanks to Mr. Gordon, now I am a practising lawyer, I'm driving Myvi and I shall live my life to the fullest.

And when my love relationship matter were openly discussed, Mr. Gordon did it again.. In a relationship where my love, my trust have been abused, I put the blame on my boyfriend because he control me, he manipulate my mind and my heart but, at the end, I realize that I have the power to make it stop. I have the power to control my life and live my dreams..

Three months later, I use my power to end the 2 1/2 years relationship, which for me it's the longest relationship I ever be in. I stayed single until April 2010 and when it's all started between Mr H and I..

All I can say now is he complete me. And he said to me, "You had me at Hello,"

Mr. & Mrs. Perfect!! And How Gender Influence Their Children..

This week has been a short week for me. I’m so occupied with a lot of stuff and forgot that time flies so quick. Suddenly, it’s Saturday and I have another 2 days to complete my declaration to write anything about gender. Well, I could just cut and paste from Wikipedia and ‘googled’ it. What is gender? When I first heard about it is when I was in my Secondary school and I’ve got to know that it’s a different name for sex, male and female. Is that by means, biological kinda thingy. WRONG!!! Well, I acknowledge that care less about what is gender and what significant gender is to the society.

Do you know how people define women? Define man? Okey.. I went to this some sort of Introduction about Gender Equality recently. And one of the exercise that we got to get involve is How do you feel about Men / Women? The groups of 100 people were divided to group Men and group Women. And then, a group of Women will be given opportunity to say what they think about men.

There goes the list of bad/negative attitude about men for example;
men are egoistic, don’t know how to cook, hopeless to take care children, sloppy, lazy, spoiled, cheater, reckless, insensitive,
stubborn and so on, so.

And of course when this group of women were asking about how they think about women, (well, what I have expected) the group went on and on saying good values about women for example;
caring, loving, independent, beautiful, smart, they can cook and take care babies, kind-hearted..bla bla bla.. (hehe..)

And here is the list that the group of men describe women;
Complaint! Complaint! Complaint! Can't stop talking - whining a lot,
Put too much make up, DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE CORRECTLY, Failed in Parking!!! Get panicked easily - cepat menggelabah, spoiled - mengada-ngada
Queen Control, lalalala - and many more!!

List of Men about Men;
...got a lot but, I don't want to waste my energy on that!! But this picture sure describe them!!

Haha!! Got it??

Anyway, this list is just pandangan kasar on what we saw about ourself and the opposite sex. We see negative side about them and note about good things we saw in ourself. This is for us to review back. Is this what we creating for our next generation?

We play a different role but are we forgetting something that we need each other and we support each other. Acknowledge and respecting others differences actually can lead to somewhere better. I love man although, I get irritating and annoyed with their "attitude", at the same time I choose to live with them. Why? Just because, I understand what is gender!

What Is Gender?

Gender has several definitions. It usually refers to a set of characteristics that are considered to distinguish between male and female, reflect one's biological sex, or reflect one's gender identity. Gender identity is the gender(s), or lack thereof, a person self-identifies as; it is not necessarily based on biological sex, either real or perceived, and it is distinct from sexual orientation. It is one's internal, personal sense of being a man or a woman (or a boy or girl).

There are two main genders: masculine (male), or feminine (female), although some cultures acknowledge more genders. "Androgyny," for example, has been proposed as a third gender.

Some societies have more than five genders, and some non-Western societies have three genders – man, woman and third gender. Gender expression refers to the external manifestation of one's gender identity, through "masculine," "feminine," or gender-variant or gender neutral behavior, clothing, hairstyles, or body characteristics.

There a few notes about how the theories of gender derives:-

First, gender role theory posits that boys and girls learn the appropriate behavior and attitudes from the family and overall culture they grow up with, and so non-physical gender differences are a product of socialization.

Second, Social role theory proposes that the sex-differentiated behavior is driven by the division of labor between two sexes within a society. Division of labor creates gender roles, which in turn, lead to gendered social behavior.

Another point, I wish to add is the physical specialization of the sexes is considered to be the distal cause of the gender roles. Men’s unique physical advantages in term of body size and upper body strength provided them an edge over women in those social activities that demanded such physical attributes such as hunting, herding and warfare.
On the other hand, women’s biological capacity for reproduction and child-bearing is proposed to explain their limited involvement in other social activities. Such divided activity arrangement for the purpose of achieving activity-efficiency led to the division of labor between sexes.

The consequences of gender roles and stereotypes are sex-typed social behavior because roles and stereotypes are both socially shared descriptive norms and prescriptive norms. Gender roles provide guides to normative behaviors that are typical, ought-to-be and thus “likely effective” for each sex within certain social context.

Social constructionism of gender moves away from socialization as the origin of gender differences; people do not merely internalize gender roles as they grow up but they respond to changing norms in society. Children learn to categorize themselves by gender very early on in life. A part of this is learning how to display and perform gendered identities as masculine or feminine.

Boys learn to manipulate their physical and social environment through physical strength or other skills, while girls learn to present themselves as objects to be viewed. Children monitor their own and others’ gendered behavior. Gender-segregated children's activities creates the appearance that gender differences in behavior reflect an essential nature of male and female behavior.



Sharing roles and responsibilities


Why do we bring up our girls to tell them the sky is the limit, be what you want to be, be all you can be, become a rocket scientist, strive for excellence when the message in the text book is that a woman is subordinate to her husband and, as a wife/mother, housekeeping and child-care is solely a woman's responsibility. What is the impact of this message on boys?

So what's the problem?

At a recent talk about gender and religion, a speaker spoke on the equality between the sexes, saying they are equal but each has different roles to play, the man is responsible for his family and the woman is responsible for household matters. The speaker spoke about teamwork but made a point of revering women who gave up their jobs to look after the children at home.

When there is so much talk about gender equality now, one cannot help but wonder why the role of a woman in her family is still limited to childcare and housekeeping and why the tasks of childcare and housekeeping are still seen as women only tasks. Men are capable of sharing these roles with women and, in fact, some do. But why is this sharing of roles and responsibilities not promoted in our textbooks or encouraged in society?

This type of sex-role stereotyping (as recently seen in the KT textbook and workbooks) confines human potential, limits options for men and women, and sends out messages which often contradict daily life experiences. More damaging is that when textbooks/workbooks/reference books reinforce sex-role stereotyping (father: leader, breadwinner, decision-maker; mother: housewife, nurturer), they perpetuate dominant and subordinate relationships in our society reinforce power structures in which males are more important than females and lay the foundation for gender expectations based on male domination and female subordination.

Families, teachers and peers reinforce such notions until even young women come to believe that their unequal status is justified and young men believe that they are superior. This is further perpetuated by cultural practices and religious interpretations.

OK, so?

The unequal power relationship between women and men, created and maintained by gender stereotypes, is seen as the basic underlying cause of violence against women.

According to a UNICEF document:
It has been well established that the primary cause of gender-based violence is the unequal power relationship between men and women based on stereotypes of the male as privileged and powerful and the female as inferior and submissive. Such stereotypes have been taught the world over to boys and girls from early childhood.

All too many men, prompted by their sense of what is masculine, use violence and intimidation to keep women and girls �in their place� - a submissive one. ��

The reality

Arising from the many efforts and contributions by different organisations and individuals over the years, gender equality and the roles of women are now part of mainstream discussions worldwide. Declarations have been made, Conventions have been ratified, specific policies regarding women have been established and various promises have been made. All these efforts are important, but at the best of times they seem to be limited to the public sphere.

In the private sphere, that is in the family, the practices we all claim to be eliminating (gender bias, male domination, female subordination), to a very large extent, still prevail.

If we really want to socialise our children to respect equality, we need to expose them to concepts and practices which promote equality and respect between women and men.

“I don’t do girls stuff”

I am very close with my Second Brother. He is such a gentle and loving brother. I spoke to me with reason and by his heart. He's born in 12th August 1975. 5 years older than me.

We have a lot of pictures together when we grow up. There is one picture Dad took, I was holding a pencil and color his book. He complaint to mom that I marked his school book and he got scolded by his teacher. I love to hold pencil and I was a lefty.

Mom told me, Angah has been taking care of me when I was still a baby. He is so into me. Maybe we have same name, he is Sufian. I am Sufiah. :) Mom also told me, he is the one that always help her in the kitchen or at least helped her "sidai baju" and taking care of the house for her when she is in pantang after gives me birth.

However, Angah have shared me one story when he was around 6 or 7 years old, (I was 2 or 3 years old back then) he’s the one who have help my mother a lot in the kitchen. He told me he has stop helping mother in the kitchen when he overheard Dad said to his guest, that Angah now is playing role of anak dara in the house just because at that time, he is the only person that can be rely on to help my mother. He admitted that he was feeling a bit "jauh hati" with my Dad’s statement and since then, he will try to avoid doing “girly” stuff and that include wash dishes or fried egg.. :/

He's married now. He got 1 son (elder) and 2 girls.

What's really bother me is that the decision that he take, the excuses that he gives for not lending a hand to mother just because he is a boy and boys don't do girls stuff.

I understand where he come from. However, if he keep continue be in that thinking, it's actually influence his kids as well. When we think about parenting, we see what we want to create for the children and what we want them to become.

We might have a few ideas what or who boys or girls should do or be. I tell you, our kids can surprise us with what they have learned by observed our being.

Dad might said something that he should not said. He is still human, a parents can be wrong and at the same time they can be right. But, we as their children as time passed by and we grew wise and we should have know the difference what's right and what's wrong.

Still blaming them for their words and action actually bring to nowhere. We can choose to have a bigger heart and forgive them and start to create something difference for our own family so, that they could understand about being equal and fair to each other.

Angah has always be a supportive brother to me, in everything that I do and he is wise to be there and listen to me and at the same time he guide me to take the right path.

I remember I was in relationship with this man from Iran. His name is Arash. I love him to death and willing to do anything for him. But, he abuse the trust that I create with him and things don't go accordingly. And, my Angah was there to open up my eyes and my mind and my heart and said, "Hey, some people learned from an easy way, and some people learned from a hard way, lesson learned and moved on, sis. I will always be there for you,"

Oh God. Thank God for him as one of my brother. He guide me a lot of things when I started to journey my life as a teenager to an adult teenager. He was there when I fall in love for the first time, he was there when I was in broken up session. He was there when I was broke down. He was there when my car got into trouble. He always there for me and I really grateful that he is my loving and supportive brother. Things will never be the same for me if he is not around.

He is one of a few good men in my life and I cherish him for the rest of my life. I am honored to be his ONLY sister and I love him so much.

"Thank you Angah for being there for me and making me feel worthy to be a woman in this life. You have shown me how to make me feel important and support me until I have become what I am right now,"

Love,
Sufi.

“Don’t let me caught you holding hands with boys..."

Along was born on 31st August 1973. He is married with 3 boys. He used to be an assistant chef (commis) at Planet Hollywood Restaurant at Bukit Bintang and now he is running his own business.

What I experience him when I was growing up is he's very talented boy. Creative with story-telling, he is interested in arts and he love writing his own song. He enjoyed jamming with the rest of my bros. In fact, one of his own song has been in one of the local CD.

I don't really remember much about the relationship brother-sister with him when I was little girl.. maybe, because of the long gap. He is 7 years older than me. But, there is a few of things about him that I remember and how it's actually influence me until now. Especially in dealing with gender equality.

Growing up with a brother who has a strong and protective brother actually make me keep my distance with him and not because I dislike him or not agreeing with him. I'm kinda respect him or in another words, I'm scared of him. He believed that he has a role play to help Dad to take care of the family, like how man should be.

That's why maybe I could not get along with him that much. I did not dispute any of his idea even though I felt "terkongkong".. It gives me stress feeling and make me upset that being a girl is no fun at all. I hate those feeling however, I just follow because I don't want get myself trouble.

I remember when I was 15 years old. Well, of course I was in Girls School. SMK Convent Jalan Peel and my friends all girls. I have none of guy friend. ZERO!! I am very timid girl in school, you see.. haha.. so, I have no excuse to have a guy friend and I keep it that way.. It's not that no boys interested in me. Haha.. it's just that I don't want to take the risk of not being trusted. If my family did not trust me, then, it will be difficult for me to go out hang around with my girl friends too.

YES. I am naive back then. When I have to go to tuition after school, I really just go there, concentrate and come home right after. Haha! I'm not denying that I do "scanning" a few good looking boys in the tuition center but, I was too scared to get friendly with those opposite sex. I'm scared it will lead to something..bad. I actually believe my Along's warning that goes like, "Don't let me caught you holding hands with boys. If not, I will drag you from that place straight home!!!"

I was puzzled when he said that to me. My heartbeat was beat faster and I really believe that he have that capability to do that. In my head I was imagining, he really does that to me. Seriously.

There is one incident that I shall never forget. I was 21 years old and was in my uni years. I have done something that crossing the line to him at that time. I admit that I was curious and I want to be in that experience. I went to water theme park and wearing swimming suit. I want there with a few friends, it's include boys. The most stupid thing I did was taking picture with my friends at that time. To my family what I did was unacceptable. So, he found out. I was caught. He saw the picture of me and one of the boys. And I got the "prize" of what I did.

Impact of his action;I was angry at him since then. I closed my heart to him and ignore him completely. But, I did not announce it the everybody that I put a "war-flag" on him. So, I continue doing what I did behind his back. I become more clever to "cover-line" so, that I did not get caught. I become good in lying. I started being dishonest and selfish.

I'm being righteous. It's my life and I can do whatever I want to do and he has no right to interfere in my bloody life.

And, as time fly by.. I realized what I did was stupid. However, I do not agreed to his action in punishing me for being that experience. Being a Muslim woman be stress sometimes when patriachal system impose on us 24-7. I felt surpressed and having the feeling of injustice.

I acknowledge his point of view that as the ONLY daughter in the family, I carried my family's name with pride. I must potraiyed to the society that my family has brought me as to what the society has decided. The norms of a Muslim girl.

I would what to discuss this matter further in this article however, I shall be focused on in some other time when we can discuss further and deeper.

I wrote this article and shares one of my experience with one of the most important men in my life. He actually to me a very wise, loving and responsible man.

I also remember when I was 13 years he came to me and asked me if I have something gold accessory that I have in mind. He want to buy something for me from his first salary. He was at his 20ties I guess. Well, wrong timing, I was being stuburn back then and rejected his offered, "It's okey. I can buy for myself,"I said. Hurm, where else in my life, when someone offered to give his love to me and I rejected it and by being righteous.

When I remember back those time, I wish I could act differently. I could be someone who understand what it takes to have self-respect and know what is wrong and what is right. But then, things will never be the same like what I am right now and lesson learned.

I love him. So much.

"Thank you Along for being there for me and be patient with me. I know, it's not easy to have me as your sister and, you have shaped me the way I am right now and you have make me a stronger and wise woman."

Love,
Sufi.

A Few Good Men

By Sufi

I guess I am a lucky devil. I grew up with 4 shining armor, 2 at my left wing and 2 at my right wing. My strong, artistic and protective Along (Salman), loving, responsible & supportive Angah (Sufian), respectful and clever Alim and my youngest brother, Caring and Authentic Safuan. They have made my life been a very interesting journey. They are like an open book for me to understand Men. The best part about them, they were born with different characteristic and yet they have common values that make our family stay together and strong.

People said, boys will always be boys and I tell you, grew up with them is the most challenging journey in my life and yet, they have made me the way I am right now. They make me soft and tough at the same time. They make me feel silly and smart all the time. They give me strength to move forward and stand on my feet. Although I was born a girl, they make never make me feel left out and I felt thankful that I am the ONLY sister that they have and that make feel, special! Haha!

Alim : U’r the most beautiful sister I ever had.
Me : I am the ONLY sister u has. What do you mean?
Alim : Precisely. Hehe..!! U also can be the worst ONE!
Me : (feeling irritated) Grrrrrr…!!!

Anyway, growing up with them has challenged me to be critical especially on the gender issues. I take notes on a few of stereotype myths about what boys and girls should do and should not do which is for me, some of it is unacceptable. Let me give you one example that really irritated me until now; girls don’t need to study hard because at the end of the day, they’ll end up in the kitchen. (Watta..???)

I don’t have issue if the girl chooses to be in the kitchen because they want to stay at home and be successful housewife and raise kids. But hey, why discourage them not to perform in studies? Education is the most important tool to everyone and this has trigger and push my red-elert button to gear-up me in my studies.

At that time, I was 15years old and I was not doing so well in studies and I acknowledge that I was lazy. I always laid back and I don’t care enough what result that I might get for my PMR (Penilaian Menengah Rendah) and as I expected due to my effort, I did not scores. At first it doesn’t bother me at all but then, Angah started to worry me by saying, “It’s okey Acu. You go on and watch this Chinese drama that you love so much. If u flunk your SPM next year and anybody want masuk minang you, sure dad go green light jer..” I looked at dad and he has no objection on that.

Masuk minang? Gulp! No freakin’ way. I remember how naïve and innocent I was about boys. I have no courage to have look into their eyes. I am a very timid and shy girl, you know. Marriage? No way. I’m still young!! I want to have a career. I want to earn my own money, my car, my house and many things. I want to go travel here and there. I want to have fun! I don’t want to get married (yet!!!). So, to make long story short, I did it! I prove to them that I can make it! Well, still in progress to achieve what I want and I love every moment of it.

What drive me to work hard in my studies because I want to feel secured for my future. I want to be independent and be able to stand on my feet without hoping and relying to man. If I allowed the mentality of letting man take care of everything in my life, it will lead me to several feelings such as not capable to figure things out. Well, when I say that I want to be independent, it does not mean that I don’t need man. Honestly, I need my brothers. They have helped me a lot in terms of supporting, advising, financially, technical stuff and many more. And I help them as well. We help each other in what we do best regardless of saying that “I’m a man and I know what’s best,” or, “This is man’s stuff. Let us handling this,”

I wish to share you one moment that I have with my brothers and what is their respond. I send one text sms to each of them, include my dad saying, "Terima kasih keraa meyayangi acu dgn sepenuh hati dan tanpa syarat. Terima kasih kerana meerima acu seadaanya dan menjaga acu baik2 sepanjang hidup acu. Acu sayang semua ahli keluarga acu dan acu nak kita semua tabah hadapi dugaan dan bersyukur dengan kurniaan Allah kerana dilahirkan dalam keluarga ini. Acu sangat bangga being part of ur life because I am important to you same like u are important to me.."


Along's reply; Kehadapan adikku sufiah. Semoga berada dalam keadaan sehat dan tidak tertekan akanperasaan yang meruntum jiwa akibat suasana iklim ekonomi yang melanda. Selalu berlaku sesuatu dalam perjalanan hidup kita sesuatu perkara yang kadang-kala tidak kita sangka, tetapi selalunya yang terjadi akibat sesuatu tindakan yang kita lakukan memberi kesan pada ramai pihak, Ianya adalah hukum alam atau hukum fizik. Adikku Sufiah, sesungguhnya dalam hidup ini kita kena ada batasan yang boleh mengawal norma-normal yang mudah. Kita lupa tapi, boleh kembali. Kita manusia yang tidak tahu apa yang Tuhan tahu. Pada masa yang sama kita tidak melampau batas, Along tetap menyayangi adik Along tetapi, telah ditakdirkan sikap Along memang sinis. Maruah,tempat yang dijaga kerna di situ ada kita, Berapa harga maruah kita? Emak.. Abah hendak kita letak? Amat tidak patut maruah kita dipersendakan. Jagalah...

Angah's reply; Angah akan selalu menyayangi Acu. Always. U the best I ever had.

Alim's reply; I love you too. Just don't do any stupid thing.

Safuan's reply; Pe da.. Ayat jiwang karat...

Abah's reply; (He called me straight after he received it.

Cheers Bro! Salute!
Sufi